{"product_id":"dark-smutty-launch-pom-beanie","title":"Dark \u0026 Smutty: Launch Pom Beanie","description":"\u003cp\u003eFrom the outside, you look like you’re just here for cozy weather and cute outfits.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eStriped pom beanie.\u003cbr\u003eCheeks pink from the cold.\u003cbr\u003eHands wrapped around something hot.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eBut under that pom?\u003cbr\u003eYour brain is Dark \u0026amp; Smutty, and this beanie is your little flag.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThis launch beanie is part of the first Dark \u0026amp; Smutty collection made for:\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\nReaders who bring morally questionable paperbacks to wholesome winter activities\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\nPeople who look adorable in photos and then go home to read the filthiest scenes imaginable\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\nChaos gremlins who want to be warm, cute, and just a little bit threatening\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eWear it when you’re:\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\nAt the tree farm pretending you’re in a sweet holiday romance while mentally rewriting it with knife play and blood oaths\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\nWalking through Christmas lights, holding hands, and thinking about what’s going to happen when you get back home\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\nRunning “innocent” errands in leggings and a hoodie while your Kindle is loaded with content that could get you excommunicated\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe pom beanie keeps you warm, but it also:\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\nHides your hair on “I stayed up reading until 3 a.m.” days\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\nFrames your face in that “I’m cute, not safe” way\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\nLets other degenerates clock you from across the room\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eAnd when you’re done pretending to be wholesome outside?\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt’s still there for:\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n“Beanie and socks only” nights in\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\nCouch reading sessions where the only light is your lamp and the only sound is your unhinged reactions\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\nLate-night calls, texts, or visits that start with “I just finished this chapter and I need to talk about it”\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThis is the DNS Launch beanie—the one you wear when you want the world to know you’re not a cozy reader, you’re a narrative threat.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eOnce this launch design is gone, it’s not coming back in this exact form.\u003cbr\u003eYou’ll still be a problem. You’ll just be a problem with a collector’s item on your head.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eProduct: Sport-Tek ® Stripe Pom Pom Beanie\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n100% acrylic\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\nPom Pom feature\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\nContrast color details\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\u003ctable id=\"sizechart\" style=\"width:100%; border-collapse: collapse;\" border=\"1\"\u003e\u003ctbody\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003cth style=\"padding: 8px; text-align: left;\"\u003eSize\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth style=\"padding: 8px; text-align: left;\"\u003eLength\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth style=\"padding: 8px; text-align: left;\"\u003eWidth\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 8px; text-align: left;\"\u003eONE SIZE\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 8px; text-align: left;\"\u003e11 5\/8\"\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 8px; text-align: left;\"\u003e10\"\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003c\/tbody\u003e\u003c\/table\u003e","brand":"Dark And Smutty","offers":[{"title":"White\/Pink Ras \/ ONE SIZE","offer_id":51405518536991,"sku":"19g649micd062l","price":20.82,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Iron Grey\/Wht \/ ONE SIZE","offer_id":51405518569759,"sku":"19g649micd062m","price":20.82,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0943\/7531\/3695\/files\/ninjapod_11821237_f_STC28_998f_f.jpg?v=1764383765","url":"https:\/\/dark-and-smutty.myshopify.com\/products\/dark-smutty-launch-pom-beanie","provider":"Dark And Smutty","version":"1.0","type":"link"}